Monday, October 6, 2008

The Golden Pond

Things have been very busy as usual these days, I really want to put my thoughts and reflections to share but never really get the time or really have much to say anymore, I think I have exhausted on subject that matters from the heart and if I keep writing about the past it is just going to open old wounds. I have been doing a lot of thinking over the last while, mainly about what I could have done different over the last year, about the people I could have avoided hurting and maybe save myself some pain along the way but I suppose it all has lead me to the path I am following now. October can be a drag, can’t it? It’s the one time of the year when you’re made painfully aware that everyone is planning their holidays for the Golden Week but you. Friends are all leaving for their holidays. And so, it becomes obvious that October is the ideal time to write a new script. Something, anything, to keep me busy and make the most of the current down time. But then for the first time this coming October, I will be around waiting for my buddy’s arrival and autumn too, where people at the parks and gardens thrive at the beauty it has to offer. The park is an open place overcome with the prospect of possibility. Allow yourself to soak in the golden hues that warm the skin. It brightens the day. There is not a breath of wind, but beauty reins over all. The grass is as defined as the gardener cuts the edges into perfect arches.At the pond, I let my eyes fest on the beautiful things around. The water in the pond is perfectly clear; it’s like looking through glass. I can see my reflection in the ripples, before it is disturbed by the brash throwing of a piece of bread and a family of ducks races over to retrieve the prize. Every time when I’m there it’s a different experience, makes the place different, yet it is so familiar I would wonder why I am even there. I would write my poem, a reflection that mirrors my inner self and traits. Not that I’m a good at it but it puts me back in place to my humble beginning. On Saturday night I went out with a friend whom I had not seen since Christmas and it is always a ritual with us to go on the pub crawling and clubbing scene every time he is home to catch up. I don't generally go out on the clubbing or gay scene in Beijing, unless visiting friends would drag me out for a night. For the first time in a long time I felt really good, I felt I looked good and felt very confident and at ease with myself, in my mind I knew I had no interest in meeting anybody but if it happened that would be fine. We had a really good time and a great catch up, we went to all the bars and finally ended up in the Destination, probably the oldest gay bar in the city and the place has been newly renovated with the upstairs which is now even bigger than before. For the first time I was on the podium with others showing off their six pecks and each trying to rip their shirts off to reveal their bodies. I got a lot of attention but I really was not interested in hooking up with anyone, I was having a good time and I think that is what people were seeing.

I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Invitation to flirt again
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame.
Be my friend
Catch me, hold me
Wrap me up, unfold me
Warm me up and breathe me.

The seduction is cool and I am open to flirt again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found
Yeah, I think I might break
Flirting again and I feel unsafe.

Be my friend
Catch me, hold me
Wrap me up, unfold me
Warm me up and breathe me, I’m in love again.

Just look around
See the people
Watch the children playing
Balloons filled with helium flying
Kites that taint the sky
Lovers lying on the soft grass entwined together
Inseparable with no care but each other
The intellectuals reading
People communicating
Laughing, crying, sharing
In the summer, I’m in love again.

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