Tuesday, July 31, 2012

The Unpolished Gem

As I share my thoughts I am reminded the awesome privilege of being a guardian to my two boys. It takes great responsibilities and commitment plus loads of patience. There are many qualities I admire in my youngest boy that has make me change the way I see myself. It has changed my life, which I am grateful for the change. I have the honor of being a best friend and guardian. Most fathers do not know how to admire their sons or does anyone know what a wonderful gift they are to their fathers.

My youngest boy is like an unpolished gem. He has a character that to me is genuine and authentic with an honest barometer of what I believe is good attitude. Like many of us have our own quirks and idiosyncrasies and he was my source of change to become a more patient person. It is a virtue that I cultivated and nurtured over time. Learning to respect the differences and the space that we hold in our own comfort zone is very important in our relationship.

I didn’t have such an enormous level of genuineness compared to my youngest boy. How could I when I was such an opinionated pig and it usually takes a while for me open up to new people that I meet for the first time? He has the ability to be real, authentic and honest whilst, his guardian was living in a superficial world surrounded by professionals from the advertising industry who thinks they have the license to be one.

Feeling comfortable in one's skin and being true to one's self is one of the most beautiful traits one can possess. I am glad that he has the honesty to be who he is. Most parents would be proud to claim that they have brought up their children based on their own values. As a guardian, I believe in openness and therefore I am really open with my two boys. I share with them in all honesty of my experiences in life and not necessary that they are all good or bad but it was a matter of choices I made and we often have open conversations over it. They feel very comfortable with the openness and they share their private and intimate moments too. It is through the openness from the start that allows them to share their thoughts and honesty with me. When you can be like that with someone I think it speaks volumes about the level of your relationship with each other, or how they see you as a person.

The unpolished gem when crafted becomes polished and shines. I believe the nicest qualities about the youngest boy will make him an excellent friend and employee but I doubt they will help him climb the ladder to success. But I know it will serve him emotionally well and that he will become a better man. Humility is also an extraordinary trait that makes him special and his integrity is one of the special characteristics that are unique of him.

For all the good qualities that I admire, I could never bring myself to lie or to tell him a white lie. My wish for him is to get the heck out of his comfort zone and get out of the city. See the mountains, oceans, deserts and flat places in between. Go to the off beaten tracks or to the big cities and discover more. I am very glad he followed my advice and he is still continuing his journey of discovery. The true changes began when I took my eyes off changing my child and started changing myself.

Papa, Papito

I enjoyed the times when I used to hang out with my eldest boy and his friends when we were clubbing past midnight and to the karaoke bars singing till the sun rises in the morning. Those were the times that I really enjoyed the most and his friends thought we were brothers, which I enjoyed the fact that it makes me feel young. I dread the day when someone would offer me a seat in a crowded bus or train as how young ones have been brought up or public service campaigns on television to remind the young ones to offer their seats to senior citizens. I freaked out the first time when someone called me an Uncle, an Asian way of addressing an elderly person in Asian politeness. It was when the bells started to ring in my ears alerting me that I have past my youth.

Friends told me that when they moved to Hong Kong they had to get used to every Tom, Dick and Harry or Juliet, Jane and Mary calling them Uncle. It is a matter of respect although some of them were not very much younger. In other countries around South America or in Ecuador, I would be addressed as papa or usually papito. Don't we wish that we can still remain young and still be admired? Age is just a number but don’t we love being admired.

My eldest boy offer to stand while I take the seat

Thursday, July 26, 2012

The Little Idiosyncrasies Makes A Life Partner

I have many friends who are reaching their forties or past their forties and yet still looking for their life partners. Choosing a life partner who is right for you is not like rocket science. It usually starts from expectations and it depends how much of it is from your belief system. The more expectations one has makes it even more difficult to match with the perfect match. Feelings are important; one needs to feel for it and for the other to experience your being. When you set high expectations for yourself, the other person should be able to see you as being difficult as non-compatible. I remember when I started dating at a very young age. The sexual attraction and the romantic side of dating easily sidetracked me. I could not differentiate between lust and love, if I wanted a lover or someone that satisfy my sexual appetite. Appetites will change, just like how I consume my foods. My taste varies and I hate being called a butterfly but I like the vulnerability of being one.

While looking for the life partner, we should review within ourselves with the principles of Be, Do, Have. Begin with the person you want to be that allows you to do the things you want to do, so that you can have the results of what you want to achieve. In the same way I share these with others; what is it that we have to be, what do I have to do and what is it that I must have to achieve the results that we want. We make things happen. We do not change people. We often tell our self that we can live with the other person’s habit but we try to change that person to be like us. Isn’t it funny, why should we want to change a person. The only person I know that wants a change is the baby when it is wet. Ironically, we should change what we don't like about others as we evolve in a relationship with our partner. Start practicing the Be, Do, Have and you will never be the same again.

Honestly, the qualities of my life partner are the least closes to my ideal and maybe it is the differences that are meant for us to evolve till today. Or it could be fate and destiny that makes us arrive at this point. I accept my partner for all the idiosyncrasies and I dedicate this to my lifetime partner. The beauty of humanity is the variation from one to another. Then it brings me to the question, is love the most important thing? The initial years were for love and after it has evolved, it is now about compatibility and the ability to live together when you are old. Whenever people ask if they should be marrying the person they met. My question to them is whether if they can see themselves living together with the other person when they are older, such as when they are 50 years old to 60 years old. Most response I get is they have no such farsightedness. Although the picture can be a bit blurry yet it is still there. Lacking the ability to neither focus nor visualize your potential life partner then it is a bit scary and it is not meant to be.

Of course there are many songs and movies attest to their love ones, all sing of love that we wish at one time or another. It is a gift when you have a life partner and that person stays with you for better or for worst. But when your partner is gone, we will remember all the wonderful stuffs, the little idiosyncrasies that only you would know, that is what makes that person your life partner. I remember watching the movie, “Goodwill Hunting” in which Robin Williams was describing about his wife in the movie. He talks about his character’s wife’s little idiosyncrasies and was telling Matt Damon that she knew all his little peccadilloes. People call these things imperfections, but they are not. They were the good stuff.

I see trees of green........ red roses too I see em bloom..... for me and for you.
Here is a scene of Sean and Will sitting together on a park bench in the movie of Goodwill Hunting.
Sean: Do you have a soul mate?
Will: Define that.
Sean: Someone you can relate to, someone who opens things up for you.
Will: Sure, I got plenty.
Sean: Well, name them.
Will: Shakespeare, Nietzsche, Frost, O'Conner...
Sean: Well that's great. They're all dead.
Will: Not to me, they're not.
Sean: You can't have a lot of dialogue with them.
Will: Not without a heater and some serious smelling salts.

Quotes from Goodwill Hunting – 1997 (Goodwill Hunting written by Matt Damon & Ben Affleck)

Friday, July 13, 2012

Let Your Spirit Fly!: Running Away

Let Your Spirit Fly!: Running Away: Both the elder and youngest boys’ graduation were the proudest moment of my life, to know the years spent nurturing and coaching have paid o...

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Running Away

Both the elder and youngest boys’ graduation were the proudest moment of my life, to know the years spent nurturing and coaching have paid off and the joy to see them accomplishing so much. The lessons in life I often share with my two boys are to live life with no regrets. Imagine one day when we whine or lie on our own death bed thinking of the past mistakes or broken promises and wish that life had taken a different turn. So I have decided long ago that I shall not waste my energies on small things that don’t matter and start living my life to the fullest. That’s such a big word, ‘Fullest’ and what it means to me is ‘Full On’. That is to be inspired and move on. Refresh and renew. Do new things in new ways. If not, do old things in new ways.

I am running away to lead a nomadic life. Travelling is something everyone loves to do. The best part of travelling is when I am not governed by time and to be able to live in different places with a degree of freedom to see the world. I travel around the world and I enjoy the experiences so that one day when I look back, I can say I have done all the things I have wished with no regrets.

I believe I can fly
I run. I run for my health. I run for my life. When I’m out of breath, or when my legs fell like they can’t go on, I think of my body and soul. My body will wear out one day but my soul will remain forever. I am not my body. I am not my feelings. I am not me. I am the sum of my total experiences that I have gained and the choices I make to live each day so that there are no regrets.