Thursday, July 26, 2012

The Little Idiosyncrasies Makes A Life Partner

I have many friends who are reaching their forties or past their forties and yet still looking for their life partners. Choosing a life partner who is right for you is not like rocket science. It usually starts from expectations and it depends how much of it is from your belief system. The more expectations one has makes it even more difficult to match with the perfect match. Feelings are important; one needs to feel for it and for the other to experience your being. When you set high expectations for yourself, the other person should be able to see you as being difficult as non-compatible. I remember when I started dating at a very young age. The sexual attraction and the romantic side of dating easily sidetracked me. I could not differentiate between lust and love, if I wanted a lover or someone that satisfy my sexual appetite. Appetites will change, just like how I consume my foods. My taste varies and I hate being called a butterfly but I like the vulnerability of being one.

While looking for the life partner, we should review within ourselves with the principles of Be, Do, Have. Begin with the person you want to be that allows you to do the things you want to do, so that you can have the results of what you want to achieve. In the same way I share these with others; what is it that we have to be, what do I have to do and what is it that I must have to achieve the results that we want. We make things happen. We do not change people. We often tell our self that we can live with the other person’s habit but we try to change that person to be like us. Isn’t it funny, why should we want to change a person. The only person I know that wants a change is the baby when it is wet. Ironically, we should change what we don't like about others as we evolve in a relationship with our partner. Start practicing the Be, Do, Have and you will never be the same again.

Honestly, the qualities of my life partner are the least closes to my ideal and maybe it is the differences that are meant for us to evolve till today. Or it could be fate and destiny that makes us arrive at this point. I accept my partner for all the idiosyncrasies and I dedicate this to my lifetime partner. The beauty of humanity is the variation from one to another. Then it brings me to the question, is love the most important thing? The initial years were for love and after it has evolved, it is now about compatibility and the ability to live together when you are old. Whenever people ask if they should be marrying the person they met. My question to them is whether if they can see themselves living together with the other person when they are older, such as when they are 50 years old to 60 years old. Most response I get is they have no such farsightedness. Although the picture can be a bit blurry yet it is still there. Lacking the ability to neither focus nor visualize your potential life partner then it is a bit scary and it is not meant to be.

Of course there are many songs and movies attest to their love ones, all sing of love that we wish at one time or another. It is a gift when you have a life partner and that person stays with you for better or for worst. But when your partner is gone, we will remember all the wonderful stuffs, the little idiosyncrasies that only you would know, that is what makes that person your life partner. I remember watching the movie, “Goodwill Hunting” in which Robin Williams was describing about his wife in the movie. He talks about his character’s wife’s little idiosyncrasies and was telling Matt Damon that she knew all his little peccadilloes. People call these things imperfections, but they are not. They were the good stuff.

I see trees of green........ red roses too I see em bloom..... for me and for you.
Here is a scene of Sean and Will sitting together on a park bench in the movie of Goodwill Hunting.
Sean: Do you have a soul mate?
Will: Define that.
Sean: Someone you can relate to, someone who opens things up for you.
Will: Sure, I got plenty.
Sean: Well, name them.
Will: Shakespeare, Nietzsche, Frost, O'Conner...
Sean: Well that's great. They're all dead.
Will: Not to me, they're not.
Sean: You can't have a lot of dialogue with them.
Will: Not without a heater and some serious smelling salts.

Quotes from Goodwill Hunting – 1997 (Goodwill Hunting written by Matt Damon & Ben Affleck)

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