Friday, August 10, 2012

You Are Wrong. So What.

I was taught not to open my mouth when I don’t feel good about someone or have positive things to say about a person. We do not need to say unpleasant things about people nor tighten up to be good either. There are those who often want to be right and surely they must have something to say that hits you to the nail. Damn right, I have to make my point and criticize you for the wrong. Not sure if they do know that there is no right or wrong. Control freaks out there; they want to make a point. Their point is to make you realize where you are failing and by making a point means the world to them. People think about things critically and analytically. When there is nothing good to say then don’t say anything at all.

Incidents like these taught me not to waste my energies and it’s either I shut up or I listen and nod without being rude. I am in no mood to gain positive points to prove who is right and what is wrong. Some people have the pleasure going through historical references and geographical locations to make a point that mess with peoples’ minds. Something that can be wrong, it feels so right. Isn’t it hard for you to see what’s wrong when history and geography takes place? They have been reading a lot that they know. Unless the input of information is of the same level then stay away from being wrong. Don't these people love to debate that reflects the other person’s weakness? Most control freaks cannot help believing that when someone else wrongs them they feel beaten and robbed. "I don't know, is it and I don't care", which is their excuse. The way out of the argument is to be in denial, their way of being right.

It comes in different shapes and sizes
You may in fact think you want to go to law school now. You are wrong. Why do you need to do it now unless if you like arguing and to be right. If you like to argue just for the sake of being contentious, don't pick on your friends and irritate them, go get counseling. Arguing for intellectual challenges is healthy as an intelligent debate. Viewpoints are different and to each their own. We agree just to disagree. It is not necessary to be right all the time. Information and experiences changes with time so are the perspectives, our belief systems, attitudes and the realities that makes us differentiates the right with the wrong. There is no right or wrong. It can be a myth or just a point of view, which was taken from somewhere and not being able to find its authenticity. It is just concept. Being right and wrong is ones way to demonstrate ones inner intelligence. Could it be undermining ones insecurities too?

An artist would agree that in art there is no right or wrong. Whichever way you paint the picture, you are still painting the picture. To the control freaks out there, they become the judge and jury to their own opinions that generally delivering a death statement, “See I told you so”. I am not in a pursuit of perfection and driving myself to get it right. I am seeking freedom from the confines of what’s right or wrong. I love to be free and have the ability to appreciate the innocent of beauty and creativity. There are those endless struggles to judge and prove their intellectual superiority. There are people in the world, who are just wrong, and there are the masses of population that are right. Who am I to judge what’s right or wrong? I don’t lie nor do I hide in the veil of between. It’s not that I do not have a backbone or a mind of my own. Again, I must stress that I am nobody. I have a body like everyone else. I can feel my perspiration and I can feel the heat against my skin. I have senses but it’s just that I am empty inside. Everything is an experience. There is no one who can decide what is right and what is wrong. Because what is right to you maybe wrong to me. So what’s your point?

Green, red and yellow or any other colours
Beethoven said that it's better to hit the wrong note confidently, than hit the right note unconfidently. Never be afraid to be wrong or to embarrass yourself; we are all students in this life, and there is always something more to learn.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

The Unpolished Gem

As I share my thoughts I am reminded the awesome privilege of being a guardian to my two boys. It takes great responsibilities and commitment plus loads of patience. There are many qualities I admire in my youngest boy that has make me change the way I see myself. It has changed my life, which I am grateful for the change. I have the honor of being a best friend and guardian. Most fathers do not know how to admire their sons or does anyone know what a wonderful gift they are to their fathers.

My youngest boy is like an unpolished gem. He has a character that to me is genuine and authentic with an honest barometer of what I believe is good attitude. Like many of us have our own quirks and idiosyncrasies and he was my source of change to become a more patient person. It is a virtue that I cultivated and nurtured over time. Learning to respect the differences and the space that we hold in our own comfort zone is very important in our relationship.

I didn’t have such an enormous level of genuineness compared to my youngest boy. How could I when I was such an opinionated pig and it usually takes a while for me open up to new people that I meet for the first time? He has the ability to be real, authentic and honest whilst, his guardian was living in a superficial world surrounded by professionals from the advertising industry who thinks they have the license to be one.

Feeling comfortable in one's skin and being true to one's self is one of the most beautiful traits one can possess. I am glad that he has the honesty to be who he is. Most parents would be proud to claim that they have brought up their children based on their own values. As a guardian, I believe in openness and therefore I am really open with my two boys. I share with them in all honesty of my experiences in life and not necessary that they are all good or bad but it was a matter of choices I made and we often have open conversations over it. They feel very comfortable with the openness and they share their private and intimate moments too. It is through the openness from the start that allows them to share their thoughts and honesty with me. When you can be like that with someone I think it speaks volumes about the level of your relationship with each other, or how they see you as a person.

The unpolished gem when crafted becomes polished and shines. I believe the nicest qualities about the youngest boy will make him an excellent friend and employee but I doubt they will help him climb the ladder to success. But I know it will serve him emotionally well and that he will become a better man. Humility is also an extraordinary trait that makes him special and his integrity is one of the special characteristics that are unique of him.

For all the good qualities that I admire, I could never bring myself to lie or to tell him a white lie. My wish for him is to get the heck out of his comfort zone and get out of the city. See the mountains, oceans, deserts and flat places in between. Go to the off beaten tracks or to the big cities and discover more. I am very glad he followed my advice and he is still continuing his journey of discovery. The true changes began when I took my eyes off changing my child and started changing myself.

Papa, Papito

I enjoyed the times when I used to hang out with my eldest boy and his friends when we were clubbing past midnight and to the karaoke bars singing till the sun rises in the morning. Those were the times that I really enjoyed the most and his friends thought we were brothers, which I enjoyed the fact that it makes me feel young. I dread the day when someone would offer me a seat in a crowded bus or train as how young ones have been brought up or public service campaigns on television to remind the young ones to offer their seats to senior citizens. I freaked out the first time when someone called me an Uncle, an Asian way of addressing an elderly person in Asian politeness. It was when the bells started to ring in my ears alerting me that I have past my youth.

Friends told me that when they moved to Hong Kong they had to get used to every Tom, Dick and Harry or Juliet, Jane and Mary calling them Uncle. It is a matter of respect although some of them were not very much younger. In other countries around South America or in Ecuador, I would be addressed as papa or usually papito. Don't we wish that we can still remain young and still be admired? Age is just a number but don’t we love being admired.

My eldest boy offer to stand while I take the seat

Thursday, July 26, 2012

The Little Idiosyncrasies Makes A Life Partner

I have many friends who are reaching their forties or past their forties and yet still looking for their life partners. Choosing a life partner who is right for you is not like rocket science. It usually starts from expectations and it depends how much of it is from your belief system. The more expectations one has makes it even more difficult to match with the perfect match. Feelings are important; one needs to feel for it and for the other to experience your being. When you set high expectations for yourself, the other person should be able to see you as being difficult as non-compatible. I remember when I started dating at a very young age. The sexual attraction and the romantic side of dating easily sidetracked me. I could not differentiate between lust and love, if I wanted a lover or someone that satisfy my sexual appetite. Appetites will change, just like how I consume my foods. My taste varies and I hate being called a butterfly but I like the vulnerability of being one.

While looking for the life partner, we should review within ourselves with the principles of Be, Do, Have. Begin with the person you want to be that allows you to do the things you want to do, so that you can have the results of what you want to achieve. In the same way I share these with others; what is it that we have to be, what do I have to do and what is it that I must have to achieve the results that we want. We make things happen. We do not change people. We often tell our self that we can live with the other person’s habit but we try to change that person to be like us. Isn’t it funny, why should we want to change a person. The only person I know that wants a change is the baby when it is wet. Ironically, we should change what we don't like about others as we evolve in a relationship with our partner. Start practicing the Be, Do, Have and you will never be the same again.

Honestly, the qualities of my life partner are the least closes to my ideal and maybe it is the differences that are meant for us to evolve till today. Or it could be fate and destiny that makes us arrive at this point. I accept my partner for all the idiosyncrasies and I dedicate this to my lifetime partner. The beauty of humanity is the variation from one to another. Then it brings me to the question, is love the most important thing? The initial years were for love and after it has evolved, it is now about compatibility and the ability to live together when you are old. Whenever people ask if they should be marrying the person they met. My question to them is whether if they can see themselves living together with the other person when they are older, such as when they are 50 years old to 60 years old. Most response I get is they have no such farsightedness. Although the picture can be a bit blurry yet it is still there. Lacking the ability to neither focus nor visualize your potential life partner then it is a bit scary and it is not meant to be.

Of course there are many songs and movies attest to their love ones, all sing of love that we wish at one time or another. It is a gift when you have a life partner and that person stays with you for better or for worst. But when your partner is gone, we will remember all the wonderful stuffs, the little idiosyncrasies that only you would know, that is what makes that person your life partner. I remember watching the movie, “Goodwill Hunting” in which Robin Williams was describing about his wife in the movie. He talks about his character’s wife’s little idiosyncrasies and was telling Matt Damon that she knew all his little peccadilloes. People call these things imperfections, but they are not. They were the good stuff.

I see trees of green........ red roses too I see em bloom..... for me and for you.
Here is a scene of Sean and Will sitting together on a park bench in the movie of Goodwill Hunting.
Sean: Do you have a soul mate?
Will: Define that.
Sean: Someone you can relate to, someone who opens things up for you.
Will: Sure, I got plenty.
Sean: Well, name them.
Will: Shakespeare, Nietzsche, Frost, O'Conner...
Sean: Well that's great. They're all dead.
Will: Not to me, they're not.
Sean: You can't have a lot of dialogue with them.
Will: Not without a heater and some serious smelling salts.

Quotes from Goodwill Hunting – 1997 (Goodwill Hunting written by Matt Damon & Ben Affleck)

Friday, July 13, 2012

Let Your Spirit Fly!: Running Away

Let Your Spirit Fly!: Running Away: Both the elder and youngest boys’ graduation were the proudest moment of my life, to know the years spent nurturing and coaching have paid o...

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Running Away

Both the elder and youngest boys’ graduation were the proudest moment of my life, to know the years spent nurturing and coaching have paid off and the joy to see them accomplishing so much. The lessons in life I often share with my two boys are to live life with no regrets. Imagine one day when we whine or lie on our own death bed thinking of the past mistakes or broken promises and wish that life had taken a different turn. So I have decided long ago that I shall not waste my energies on small things that don’t matter and start living my life to the fullest. That’s such a big word, ‘Fullest’ and what it means to me is ‘Full On’. That is to be inspired and move on. Refresh and renew. Do new things in new ways. If not, do old things in new ways.

I am running away to lead a nomadic life. Travelling is something everyone loves to do. The best part of travelling is when I am not governed by time and to be able to live in different places with a degree of freedom to see the world. I travel around the world and I enjoy the experiences so that one day when I look back, I can say I have done all the things I have wished with no regrets.

I believe I can fly
I run. I run for my health. I run for my life. When I’m out of breath, or when my legs fell like they can’t go on, I think of my body and soul. My body will wear out one day but my soul will remain forever. I am not my body. I am not my feelings. I am not me. I am the sum of my total experiences that I have gained and the choices I make to live each day so that there are no regrets.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Remembering A Friend

A death in a family is a sad event but I don’t call it stressful as what others would think. The death of my mom wasn’t difficult as I am pleased that she didn’t have to suffer much from cancer apart from the last few weeks when her organs were shutting down day by day. One evening, I received news of a friend who also died of cancer but at a very young age. My friend Andrienne Wong, is a strong, loving and powerful woman. I’m sorry to hear of her death. She’s a sister to my best friend, Adrian Wong, and having to confront with such news is especially painful. I have dealt with such sudden disruption when both my mom and dad passed away.

Death is part of life. Someone once told me that there are two things in life that we cannot escape; one is our taxes and the other is death. I have experienced the earlier and I know with the latter, death is a part of life’s cycle. We will one day lose the people we love, and the universal question is, “How do we get through this?”

Grieving the loss of our loved ones is a long process that may take time but with my mom I was prepared when the day I was told of her cancer. I prayed and asked that my mom could have a quality life and that the highest of the above to allow her to enjoy as long as she can while prolonging the battle of the big ‘C’. Then I also asked during her last few weeks that she don’t have to suffer and to take her away. I was happy that the highest of the above heard my prayers and have my wishes answered.

Grieving the loss of a friend or a loved one takes time, even when the death was expected. As a friend to Andrienne Wong, I experience many emotions, including shock and disbelief that she’s gone, when I thought she was recovering. I’m experiencing many emotions, anger of “How could this happen?” and guilt of ‘did I do enough to help her?” which eventually the emotions swell and subside, over and over. With my dad’s death, I experienced an emotional roller coaster of ups and downs and I hid it so well away from friends. I trust time does heal and we have to trust the process.

We remember our loved ones and our friends who are no longer with us here, but touched our lives with their presence and their love and are with us in spirit. We remember our loved ones on their birthdays, on special occasions and on anniversary dates or even just because they are heavy on our hearts today. I remember my friend Andrienne Wong, it's true, and she was truly loved. From the moment I met her, she had an immediate impact on me. She was smart, funny, outgoing and so full of ideas. She was eager to share her story and passionate about raising awareness of the unique issues. She was positive and upbeat but she was all, ‘a ray of sunshine’ in a very “real” way. I always appreciated her way of asking me questions, straight to the point and wry sense of humor.

She had full of determination and organized, a loving mother and serious about the things that she’s determined to do. She managed to manifest everything she feared and I value all the good that Andrienne had done in making a difference to others, some big and some small differences. I choose to remember the good times with her that enriches me even now and I share her direct and honest approach, especially when confronted with questions about my colorful life.

I may have rambled so much but it takes a lot to know a friend and to cherish the times we shared before the enrollment and after AsiaWorks. Andrienne maintained a positive attitude and even much stronger in dealing with the excruciating pain. Her smile and her eyes makes you aware that she wants to end her journey with a purpose. That was Andrienne… just one more thing to do….one more look at you….one more laugh… one more hug….one more I love you….and one more farewell… Thank you, Andrienne Wong, for sharing so much of your self with us. We miss you!

"It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and a lifetime to forget them."

Monday, February 27, 2012

Fat Reduction

Faced with constant reminders about what to do (exercise more, eat better) and what not to do (over spend, over eat), and fatigued from several years of austerity, consumers will look for ways to live a little without giving up a lot. People have been exercising more self-control, and increasingly they’re looking to let loose once in a while; indulging in sinful things, splurging on treats and at least momentarily escaping from today’s many worries.

The fat taxes is the new tax sin; in a bid to put the brakes on obesity, governments will try to push consumers away from unhealthy foods with cost disincentives. In 2011, Hungary introduced an added tax for foods with high fat, salt and sugar content, along with a higher tariff on soda (and alcohol), while Denmark added a tax for high-saturated fat foods. Similar legislation was proposed in Australia and Britain. And at year-end, France approved a tax on sugary soft drinks. Look for more national and local government to follow.